finally. a little free time pushed for time, but relaxing all the same. school, basketball, moms, church, dads, moms. wow weird schedule.
ive been so tired this week. emotional, physically, spiritual. im just kinda in one of those "i dont really care" moods. lifes been busy.
kyle talked at church today (because the third baby nicolson arrived), kyle was amazing, he really kept me listening. something that really stuck out to me..." God doesnt want anymore 'leaders' He wants us to live. " i remember always telling my close friends how we need to step up and lead, because our grade is lacking "leadership" , now all i think is, what a bunch of bull, thats what the teachers are for. i always wanted to be the girl that "set the example" you know how it is. now i know, i dont need to set an example, i need to live me life for Christ, not for my glory, not so i cant be "the girl" but so he can be MY GOD.
kyle makes it sound so easy, though, living for Christ. its not easy, not at all. i guess we have huge things to live up too, right?, i mean JESUS CHRIST, thats who we are striving to be like, right? its hard. i still feel like a nobody. i dont know what people see in me. i want them to see Christ, but once again, unfortunately, i dont find this true.
Romans 4:16
This is why the fulfillment of Gods promise depends entirely one trusting God and his way, and then smple embracing Him and what He does. God's promise arrives as pure gift...
life hasnt been so simple.
i dont know what to do. its been getting really frustrating going back and forth from moms to dads each week. maybe it will be easier when i can drive. dad still wants me to stay with him full time, because my mom is a "bad mother", and mom still wants me to stay with her full time, because its easier on me and her.
grades are dropping.
God feels distant. but its only me.
-MK