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1.
Monday, January 11, 2010 8:55 PM
So I was going to start a wordpress but decided it's to much work and to little readers. (everyone needs a little attention, right)

So here is the NEW.

Today, was the first day of real life. Life, as real as it's going to get for the time being at least.

As of late, my life has been on shuffle.

Today, I chose a song, pressed the Genius button and put it on repeat.

I'm a transfer student from the University of Arkansas at Fayetteville to the University of Arkansas at Little Rock. This sounds disastrous and it is.

The transition from freedom back into the strong hold of my parental figures has not and will not be easy. After all, this house has never been my home. I have no home.

Of course, I didn't make it this way. Who in their right mind would ask to constantly be on the run from their parents? They did it. They chose to divorce each other. And I'm not throwing a pity party. Im not bitter anymore. I could careless. But deep down inside we all long for a place to BE. I place of stability filled with love. I place to speak freely, love openly, and breathe easily. I've never really caught my breath.

This is okay with me...for the time being. I'll continue living my life. Constantly moving from place to place. People watching, being with people, loving people. Anywhere but here. At the end of the day, I will retire into my bed and dream of the day I am home. I can't wait till that day.

Moving on.

My constant desire to please people continues to fill my unhappy void. If the people around me are happy; I am happy.

Which is reason number two that I refuse to be around my parents for more than 5 hours, they are just unhappy people, I've never been able to please them.

Often, this habit rips me apart. One cannot expect to please everyone - but I do. If my goal is unreachable, I panic. With this panic and anxiety comes a neglect. I neglect myself.

How is it that I can take care of everyone else, but cannot take care of myself?

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, let me return to the purpose of my blog: To give a completely honest review of the life of yours truly. Honesty is my policy. Without honesty their is no truth. Without truth I find no reason to live. I find no reason to continue my search for "home". So let us live on and continue gasping for breath. "Love all, serve all, and create no sorrow".

Veritas Vincit,

mk



Tuesday, December 08, 2009 12:09 AM
Oh to be in Your presence again.
To be honest.
To be free.
To feel again.
Please deliver me.

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. I will fear no evil.


My Prayer.
Tuesday, April 07, 2009 7:54 PM
"O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing, I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, so that I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, "Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away." Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long." -A.W. Tozer

I want to want God. I pray to love Him more than my own life. More than the lives I love so dearly. 
More than ever, I long to long God in an over obsessed way. I long to see His eyes.

As a daughter running into her Fathers arms.
As a bride running to her groom.
So will I run to my God. 


Sonnet Number Three
Sunday, April 05, 2009 6:43 PM

Your beloved eyes are undercover

The hopes of mine heart are soon forgotten

Memory is with my secret lover

As if my love was but a misbegott’n

 Come here, come here in the secret places

Come close and let no other win they heart

You’re  the beauty, uncompar’d to oth’r faces

I pray, my love, that we should’st never part

 You, my love, are liken’d unto Romeo

My lost lover who nev’r did’st know thy love

Thy heart twas missed by cupids brok’n arrow

My heart’s loss twas predestined from above

 My sequestered lone heart twill soon extol

Thy un-relinquished heart hath lost mine soul.

 

By:Mallory Jacks



plain and simple.
Friday, February 20, 2009 9:57 PM
im a control freak.
in way that absolutely horrifies me.

this is me.
http://www.ec-online.net/knowledge/Articles/control.html
this is more apart of me than the things i love.

i hate this article!
yes, this is me. that is apart of me.
just hate how it addresses "dealing" with the control freak.
as if its an incurable disease. well, it's not.
im going to over come this.
i hate how at the end of the article they
tell the "dealer", to walk out on the "control freak".

on the other hand, the article did help me out.
it pinpointed why i am.

regardless, my God created me.
my God is a great God.

Jeremiah 29:11 has never been as relevant to me as it is now.
this is an IT verse to me. you know what i mean, everyone uses it, quotes it off the top of their tongue, applies it to their lives.
i'll admit, ive done it too.
but now, instead of it being a verse of my future, a verse telling me how great i am going to become, it has become a verse of hope and freedom.
My God knows the plans He has for me.
Why must I try to control them?

my prayer -
Lead my in your ways.
Calm my anxious heart.
Let me breathe.
Step back.
Let you in.

-mk


history.
Saturday, January 24, 2009 1:03 PM
its a new year!
and this one promises to be the "newest" one yet.

from graduation in may, which brings on a whole new way of living completely (and a whole new list of challenges).
to the beginning of a new soccer season!
to the beginning of our new President's term.

i am so exciting to be going to college next year. but i cannot tell you how nervous i am too!
every once in a while i get in these moods where i have no desire to leave my comfortable bed and my comfortable life. after 17 years, i have finally settled in here. and just as i got comfortable, its time to move on.

i cannot wait to be comfortable again. comfortable and safe. and in my place.

last week, i got the opportunity to go to the inauguration of our 44th President.
it was a crazy week, but well worth the endless lines and hours of waiting.
i got to see some of my favorite people again!
and i witnessed history.
i enjoyed it so much but was sad to see the way Americans treat fellow Americans during a time where we are supposed to "join as one".
as the current President-George W. Bush walked out of the Capital, a majority of the people I was standing around began to "boo" and "yell". Im not going to point out all of the wrong those people did. I was just ashamed. I am a 17 year old girl, and at the moment, I felt that maybe I was more qualified to vote for the President of the United States than the ignorant (excuse my name calling) people who "booed" a man who has led our country through some of the hardest and darkest times we have faced. We are all Americans. Even the men who you think may have let you down as a President, Vice-President, governor, teacher, preacher, father, mother, and friend.
Other than that, I cannot complain. Well, except the rude people at the inauguration who thought they were the only people there. Ha.

I hope everyone holds January 20th, 2009, as a day of utmost importance and will remember how great a day it was for not only our country, as a whole, but for the world.

con amore,
mk


thoughts processing.
Friday, December 26, 2008 11:58 PM
i wonder...

i wonder if i could be more approachable.
if only i could fling "i love yous" and "your amazing(s)" to everyone who passed.

i could rule the world with my words.

but i know you.

you would see through it. i would see through it.

and perhaps i would be even more miserable than i am today.
perhaps one day i could have the world on a string.
just like you.

maybe im a little to transparent.
yes, that's it.
that has to be it.

i could never pass for a queen.

you see.
i DO love you. each and everyone of you labeled little clones.
i really do.

if only you could see.
then.
maybe...just maybe.

you would love me too.

you would see that i love you for you.
and you would love me for me.

i could be...err...nice.
yes, what a novel idea.

we could pretend to write poetry.
and pretend to be suave as we sip on our expensive starbucks coffee and tuck our jeans into our boots.
we could flash our outdoor apparel around together. we could even dress up for a nice toxic extravaganza.

we WOULD have the world on a string.
wouldn't that be terrific?

(define as you will)

you see...we really could rule the world.
but how can we rule a world that already belongs to everyone else?

and how can we know who we are not?
and how can we mistake the truth for a lie?
or a lie for the truth?

and how can you believe me?